"I just knew my life could be more than I was allowing it to be. I knew I was supposed to be happy and that it was possible. I just couldn't sit there any longer once I realized."
I was talking with one of my best friends today and I wrote the above statement. She is going through a hard time and we started reflecting on the past. She pointed this specific quote out saying "this could be the beginning of a book." Everything leaving my fingertips into the phone was my automatic response to the conversation but this statement really does define my outlook on life right now.
In the face of every worry, every setback, every disappointment, I have been forcing myself to think positively. Recently I have discovered I am predisposed to certain emotional responses and thought processes. I see myself reflected in my family members. The tendencies I have are enhanced to the point where I realize I cannot let myself go down the same road. If ever I feel anxious I take a deep breath and remind myself of all the reasons why I do not need to be anxious. Instead of being the type of person who holds their feelings in I have been talking about them more frequently. I've been letting my insecurities out so they can be understood and broken down. Holding in all my feelings was allowing myself to bury what I didn't want to acknowledge. I ask myself, "Would I look the other way if someone else was living like this?" The response is no. I would not let them hide themselves away in order to accept the easy way, deny reality, or pretend it would pass. If I would not let someone else live this way then why should I? The only person you have to fight is yourself. Standing up for yourself is an admirable quality even though sometimes others look down on the outcome. Naturally, I am scared of the opinions of other people. However, if someone cares about you then it shouldn't matter. If someone doesn't care about you, then they don't matter. There is nothing truer than being yourself in the face of adversity and holding onto yourself when challenged.
Happiness is not automatic. Life takes work. If everything was easy then we would have nothing in our lives to push ourselves to be better. Just like how I know I can do more on a personal level, I know I can do more on a professional level. If I am capable of changing my predisposed emotional nuances then I am capable of learning and achieving any goal I set for myself on an intellectual level. Tomorrow I am setting up a time with an adviser for the Arts, Humanities, and Sciences department at the University of Alabama Huntsville. I need to figure out the path I can take in order to develop these ideas into a reality. To go along with the Graphic Design goals I have purchased some materials for learning Typography. I have studied some tutorials to understand the basics and now I am going to attempt to teach myself. No better way to accomplish something than putting it right in front of you.
I was speaking from my soul when I said "I couldn't sit there any longer once I realized." I have discovered my potential. It is time to funnel it into something and if at first I don't succeed, I will adjust, and try again.