What am I doing?

The thought has crossed my mind on multiple occasions that I cannot be the only person in the world that is completely clueless. I mean, seriously, I cannot be sitting here in this big world and be the only person looking around thinking, "What am I doing?" Some background on this subject would enlighten you I am sure.

Hi. I am Kristin. I am a 26 year old going on 27 (yikes) who just so happens to be clueless. The path I followed into adulthood had me graduating High School with an acceptable GPA and a lot of shiny JROTC trophies. College was the next step in this process where I picked up a Bachelor of Arts in History with a concentration in Humanities as well as a new skill, colorguard, in the university marching band. Post grad was a gleeful time of no more school, part time jobs, job hunting, and realizing I was no longer a student. A typical step in my growing up was meeting and marrying my college boyfriend. At the ripe age of 22 I said "I do" to my electrical engineer. I was working at the local Starbucks, making as much of a living as I could, while he was getting a Masters Degree and a high paying job which happened to be two states away. Upon his employment the "logical" decision was "let's buy a house, get married, and move to Alabama." 2.5 months later I was in a big white dress, our lives were packed away, and we headed to our new lives. Unfortunately, a little over 3.5 years later after a lot of soul searching, life obstacles, and realization my husband and I have separated and have gotten divorced. I get to add myself to another statistic. Graduate college with no job in sight, check. Married and divorced before the age of 30, check. However, that is a whole other story and we have some more information to fill in.

In the new land of "Alabama" I was just as successful with the job hunt. Over qualified to be a receptionist, under qualified for basically everything else outside of Starbucks. Specializing in European history in the US South does not hold high hopes for jobs in my major. Teaching was an option with not a lot of personal interest since either going back to get a teaching degree or getting a teacher's certificate were both challenging prospects. After many job applications, only two interviews, and lots of emotional breakdowns, I was able to get a job at the company my husband worked for. Starting off as a temp then eventually getting hired full time, I am a Technical Service Representative which is just a fancy title for a call center worker. Yes, I have a cubicle. No, it is not a cubicle farm. No, this is not in my degree of study. Yes, I make enough money and have enough interest to be happy doing it. I am the type of person that can learn to do anything and usually does it well. That is not me being conceded, I promise. Telecommunications was not a path I ever thought to follow. Through the evolution of my job I have developed skill sets I didn't know I had and understand a lot more of the jargon than I ever believed I was capable of. All this being said, "what am I doing?"

Here we are, 5 years after graduating college, not working in my field of study, not married anymore, not able to clearly define the path of my future. This is when the ceiling started getting lower and the walls started closing in. I am in a box of my own making. Lazy after college I did not push myself to figure out a life plan. The fact that I married someone with a well paying stable job made me complacent. Near the end of my marriage I hit a downward spiral of not knowing who I was, how I got there, what I was doing, and where I was going. Now 7 months later I am renewed with purpose. Taking back myself one new idea at a time. Finally realizing that things are hard and you have to put forth the effort in order to really accomplish anything. The last part of the puzzle though is that tricky part, "what am I going to do?"

The company I work for offers tuition reimbursement for certain degrees. I am starting there. Going back to college seems daunting but doable. History is a love of mine I will never lose but it will not create a career for me. If I could drop everything and move to Italy to study to my hearts content, I would be a happy camper, but that is not in the cards. In the recent future my eyes have been opened to the idea of working in marketing or advertising. I concluded that with enough effort I could get a Marketing degree, even if that is something I am not 100% interested in. The other side of this coin has me extremely interested in the prospect of getting a Graphic Design degree. Being an artist on the side I feel like this could be my calling. If I could go back and kick myself for not thinking of this sooner I would. I am not sure what my company is going to let me do, what they will agree to, or if it will be an option, but I have to start somewhere.

Making decisions is a hard part of life but following through with them is even harder. In the face of the decisions I have made I am still second guessing myself every chance I get and wondering if I am doing everything wrong. This blog is going to be the story of those mistakes or accomplishments. In this field of study, in this economy, in this country, in this world, I know there is another person sitting there looking around and thinking, "What am I doing?" I want to be there for you. I want to share my story with you. I want to help motivate you if I can. I want you to see that you are not alone, that I am just as clueless as you and just as worried but motivated.